We're Adopting!
I thought since we are finally finished our dossier and have sent it on it's way, that I could write a bit about our journey in adoption so far, and answer some questions that I am getting quite frequently.
I'll start at the beginning. Which was actually over a year ago. We decided it was nearly time to being adding to our family, so I went off of birth control in January, with the idea of actively trying to get pregnant in March or April. As time went on, and it got closer to the time to actually 'try', I just couldn't do it.
Without meaning to sound selfish, I hated being pregnant. I wasn't even particularly sick, but I was extremely anxious the whole time. We approached our pregnancy with Harper as an 'all in' experience. We had a gender reveal party with cupcakes and yummy food, we had a babymoon, we did a cute name reveal. It's actually where this blog came from. I just didn't want to look back on it and think, I should have done something else, because honestly, I didn't know if I would want to, or have the opportunity to do it again. During my pregnancy, I bled frequently. Each time I would think I'd lost her. It was mentally and emotionally draining. We were blessed to carry her to term and now have a happy, healthy, beautiful 5 year old, but I was not in any rush to put myself through that again. Yes, I know that every pregnancy is different, but I found it extremely hard.
We had talked about adopting before, probably a year or so before that. We got the first bit of information from the company that handles adoptions in New Brunswick. But, I just didn't feel confident in it, as the person who normally did them was out for an extended sick leave, and I didn't want to be doing this with someone who wasn't confident in the procedure (not that anyone wasn't competent, I just didn't feel like it was a good time).
Anyway, May rolled around and I still couldn't work myself up to actually getting pregnant again, so I asked Casey, again, how he felt about adoption. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a kid, so for me, it's always been an option. His answer was basically that he wouldn't ever pressure me to have another child, and his opinion was the same now as it was when we talked about it before, "Lets look into it." So, in May of last year, I emailed Gentle Path again and began reading through the first step documents.
So over this past year, we've been filling out documents, getting references, and much more, up until we could take the mandatory Adoption Course in September. The course was held in Saint John, and was 2 days about the process and what to expect with our adopted child once he or she comes home. It was a good course, as we were going into this pretty blindly.
Before that course started on Friday we were able to book our evaluation with a Psychologist in the city. We did some mandatory personality testing and had a chat about our lives and marriage. It took a few weeks for this to come back but not that long in the grand scheme of things.
After the course, we were able to begin our home study process. Gentle Path contracted a Social Worker for us, and we scheduled a time for her to come to our home and talk to us. Since we're very rural, she scheduled a full day to spend with us. In January, she came to our home and we had 7 long hours of interviews. If we didn't live so rurally, it would have been done over the course of a few visits, but this worked well for us. We also met with her a couple more times, in her office to complete the study.
Once our home study was done and all of our documents were complied, we were able to submit our Dossier to the Adoption Panel in New Brunswick. They reviewed our paperwork and on April 5, 2018 we were accepted by the province of New Brunswick to adopt a child into our home.
Since then, we've been compiling a few more documents that were specific to the Philippines, and getting them notarized by a Notary Public. We ran into a few snags doing this, as things needed to be worded properly, and all needed to be signed in blue ink, not black.
So finally, we have all of the paperwork and whatnot sent off to Gentle Path, who deals with it from there, sending it off to the Philippines. Hopefully within a month or so, I hope to hear back from them whether we are accepted or not.
I've gotten many questions from people over the past couple of weeks, but I'll answer the most common right here.
Are you getting a baby?
No. The youngest child we would potentially be paired with would be around 1 year old. Babies aren't common in international adoption, and you tend to wait a very long time for one. We have applied for one to two children (sibling group) under the age of 5.
Boy or girl?
You actually cannot request a preferred sex when adopting from the Philippines. Some countries allow this, just not this one. We have no preference.
How long does it take?
Honestly, it varies. You aren't just put on a 'list' in the Philippines and just happen to get the next child available to you. You are paired with a child that meets your criteria. We were approved by the province for 1-2 children under 5 who have mild developmental delays, and minor correctable needs. Since we live in such a rural location, we thought it less safe to accept a child who might have serious health needs, where they might require multiple surgeries, blood transfusions, or complicated procedures. I'd hate to think we put a child at greater health risk living on a small island than living in an orphanage in a large city, with access to larger hospitals. We came up with the things we would and wouldn't accept with the social worker who did our home study, and believe it's best for our family. Therefore, we will be paired with a child that meets that criteria. I hope that makes sense.
If we were on a list for a very young, healthy single child, we might wait a very long time. There is really no way to know how long it takes to pair each family, as each family has different criteria. My educated guess is between 2 and 3 years.
Why the Philippines?
Unless you go into the adoption process with a country in mind, you basically have to look at each counties rules and regulations and see if you can meet them, and choose from one of those countries. We had a few reasons for choosing the Philippines. We chose a country we have interest in travelling. When our child is older and ready to travel back to the country they are from, we wouldn't mind visiting the Philippines more than once. It's a beautiful country with so much to see and do.
What does Harper think?
Harper isn't really old enough to understand. Some days she says she would like to have a sister. Some days she doesn't want a sibling at all. She will grow to understand once things get moving.
Why not domestically adopt?
Honestly, this question is deeply personal, and different for each person. It can take many YEARS to adopt within the province, unless you're willing to accept an older child or a child with serious heath issues. It's a whole different process to get a home study finished and submitted. Casey and I love to travel and I suppose that I can only speak for myself when I say I have a heart for people who live in poverty that many in our town have never seen. Orphanages don't exist here anymore, but just thinking that my future child is currently laying in a crib in an orphanage that is underfunded and understaffed fills me with both hope and sadness. We can't change the world with adopting a child but we can change the world for that one child. Adoption is no small thing to take on. You have to have it in your heart, and this is what's in mine.
That's all I can really think of, when it comes to frequently asked questions. If you have any, I'd love to answer them. If you're interested in adoption, I'd love to point you in the right direction!
I'll start at the beginning. Which was actually over a year ago. We decided it was nearly time to being adding to our family, so I went off of birth control in January, with the idea of actively trying to get pregnant in March or April. As time went on, and it got closer to the time to actually 'try', I just couldn't do it.
Without meaning to sound selfish, I hated being pregnant. I wasn't even particularly sick, but I was extremely anxious the whole time. We approached our pregnancy with Harper as an 'all in' experience. We had a gender reveal party with cupcakes and yummy food, we had a babymoon, we did a cute name reveal. It's actually where this blog came from. I just didn't want to look back on it and think, I should have done something else, because honestly, I didn't know if I would want to, or have the opportunity to do it again. During my pregnancy, I bled frequently. Each time I would think I'd lost her. It was mentally and emotionally draining. We were blessed to carry her to term and now have a happy, healthy, beautiful 5 year old, but I was not in any rush to put myself through that again. Yes, I know that every pregnancy is different, but I found it extremely hard.
We had talked about adopting before, probably a year or so before that. We got the first bit of information from the company that handles adoptions in New Brunswick. But, I just didn't feel confident in it, as the person who normally did them was out for an extended sick leave, and I didn't want to be doing this with someone who wasn't confident in the procedure (not that anyone wasn't competent, I just didn't feel like it was a good time).
Anyway, May rolled around and I still couldn't work myself up to actually getting pregnant again, so I asked Casey, again, how he felt about adoption. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a kid, so for me, it's always been an option. His answer was basically that he wouldn't ever pressure me to have another child, and his opinion was the same now as it was when we talked about it before, "Lets look into it." So, in May of last year, I emailed Gentle Path again and began reading through the first step documents.
So over this past year, we've been filling out documents, getting references, and much more, up until we could take the mandatory Adoption Course in September. The course was held in Saint John, and was 2 days about the process and what to expect with our adopted child once he or she comes home. It was a good course, as we were going into this pretty blindly.
Before that course started on Friday we were able to book our evaluation with a Psychologist in the city. We did some mandatory personality testing and had a chat about our lives and marriage. It took a few weeks for this to come back but not that long in the grand scheme of things.
After the course, we were able to begin our home study process. Gentle Path contracted a Social Worker for us, and we scheduled a time for her to come to our home and talk to us. Since we're very rural, she scheduled a full day to spend with us. In January, she came to our home and we had 7 long hours of interviews. If we didn't live so rurally, it would have been done over the course of a few visits, but this worked well for us. We also met with her a couple more times, in her office to complete the study.
Once our home study was done and all of our documents were complied, we were able to submit our Dossier to the Adoption Panel in New Brunswick. They reviewed our paperwork and on April 5, 2018 we were accepted by the province of New Brunswick to adopt a child into our home.
Since then, we've been compiling a few more documents that were specific to the Philippines, and getting them notarized by a Notary Public. We ran into a few snags doing this, as things needed to be worded properly, and all needed to be signed in blue ink, not black.
So finally, we have all of the paperwork and whatnot sent off to Gentle Path, who deals with it from there, sending it off to the Philippines. Hopefully within a month or so, I hope to hear back from them whether we are accepted or not.
I've gotten many questions from people over the past couple of weeks, but I'll answer the most common right here.
Are you getting a baby?
No. The youngest child we would potentially be paired with would be around 1 year old. Babies aren't common in international adoption, and you tend to wait a very long time for one. We have applied for one to two children (sibling group) under the age of 5.
Boy or girl?
You actually cannot request a preferred sex when adopting from the Philippines. Some countries allow this, just not this one. We have no preference.
How long does it take?
Honestly, it varies. You aren't just put on a 'list' in the Philippines and just happen to get the next child available to you. You are paired with a child that meets your criteria. We were approved by the province for 1-2 children under 5 who have mild developmental delays, and minor correctable needs. Since we live in such a rural location, we thought it less safe to accept a child who might have serious health needs, where they might require multiple surgeries, blood transfusions, or complicated procedures. I'd hate to think we put a child at greater health risk living on a small island than living in an orphanage in a large city, with access to larger hospitals. We came up with the things we would and wouldn't accept with the social worker who did our home study, and believe it's best for our family. Therefore, we will be paired with a child that meets that criteria. I hope that makes sense.
If we were on a list for a very young, healthy single child, we might wait a very long time. There is really no way to know how long it takes to pair each family, as each family has different criteria. My educated guess is between 2 and 3 years.
Why the Philippines?
Unless you go into the adoption process with a country in mind, you basically have to look at each counties rules and regulations and see if you can meet them, and choose from one of those countries. We had a few reasons for choosing the Philippines. We chose a country we have interest in travelling. When our child is older and ready to travel back to the country they are from, we wouldn't mind visiting the Philippines more than once. It's a beautiful country with so much to see and do.
What does Harper think?
Harper isn't really old enough to understand. Some days she says she would like to have a sister. Some days she doesn't want a sibling at all. She will grow to understand once things get moving.
Why not domestically adopt?
Honestly, this question is deeply personal, and different for each person. It can take many YEARS to adopt within the province, unless you're willing to accept an older child or a child with serious heath issues. It's a whole different process to get a home study finished and submitted. Casey and I love to travel and I suppose that I can only speak for myself when I say I have a heart for people who live in poverty that many in our town have never seen. Orphanages don't exist here anymore, but just thinking that my future child is currently laying in a crib in an orphanage that is underfunded and understaffed fills me with both hope and sadness. We can't change the world with adopting a child but we can change the world for that one child. Adoption is no small thing to take on. You have to have it in your heart, and this is what's in mine.
That's all I can really think of, when it comes to frequently asked questions. If you have any, I'd love to answer them. If you're interested in adoption, I'd love to point you in the right direction!
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