Confession Time

Losing weight is not easy. It's really hard, actually. I know I've been on a roll with my weight loss lately, but my eating hasn't been the greatest. Far, far from it. I have to actively force myself to not eat whatever I want every day. I don't know why I can't just eat like a normal human being, but it doesn't come naturally to me. At all.

I thought maybe after being at this for almost a year I would get into some kind of pattern or routine and eventually it would come easy to me. It hasn't. That's okay though. I've made peace with it. I'm going to have to actively make good choices for the rest of my life. I suppose we all do, really, in all aspects of life.

Why is this a confession time? I want to be totally transparent in my weight loss journey. I want my readers to know I struggle every single day. I also want them to know that success is possible.

So, what am I confessing?

Yesterday, I ate WELL OVER 3000 calories. I'm going to even go so far as to say I probably ate 4000 calories. That's more than double what I'm supposed to eat.

I started off the day with good intentions. I was making a day trip to the city to take my mom to a specialist. On the ferry, I was going to have a bagel like I would normally have. I was going to go to Tim's, get a coffee, and then drive to the city. After the appointment, I was going to order something reasonably healthy, run a few errands, and get back to the ferry as fast as possible, because it was booked solid. In the line up, I would eat the Fibre One bar I brought and drink my water and get my 30 minute walk in. I would not eat supper, because as soon as I was home I was going to a Scentsy party, and after such a good day, I was going to indulge a little and have some dip and whatnot.

That is NOT even close to what happened.

I had my bagel and peanut butter as planned. I went to Tim's, and ordered a coffee AND a pumpkin muffin (which ended up being 490 calories!!!!). After the appointment, we went to Harvey's and I didn't hold back one bit. I had a chicken burger and a poutine (a whopping 1200 calorie meal!!!) and even ordered a stupid milkshake to go with it (didn't drink it though, thankfully, it was kind of gross). On the way back to the ferry, I got gas, AND a chocolate bar (at least I bought dark), and at the whole thing in the line up. I did drink most of my water for the day. I did walk. I did skip supper in anticipation of the party food. On the way out the door from my house, I grabbed a stupid 110 calories ice cream. At the party I was so stinking hungry from having almost zero real food, I just kept eating and eating. I even placed myself on the other side of the room from the food and just kept getting up and eating.

This morning, when I got on the scale, I was at 170.2 pounds! I weigh myself every day, and I know that I fluctuate a couple of pounds sometimes, but that's 4 pounds up from my Wednesday weigh in. All I could think of was how ashamed I was of my horrible binge day, and how on earth I was going to get back down close to where my weight should be.

There is no justifying the horrible eating I did yesterday, but to make myself feel better, I will give myself less of a hard time by telling myself these things:

- I don't eat out very often. We don't have fast food here on the island, so my fast food intake is less than once a month. In the grand scheme of things, that's not a horrible number, considering some people eat out daily.

- One bad meal/day doesn't make you fat. One good day doesn't make you healthy.

- I'm human and I acknowledge that I have weaknesses (and a sugar addiction).

- I am a strong woman, and will pick myself up, carry on, and learn from this.

- Next time, I WILL be better.

Also, I wanted to thank everyone for following my blog and my weight loss journey. I love hearing from you, it's always so encouraging.


  1. Oh my goodness Winter, I FEEL YOU on this. My scale got up to 171, after being down to 158 and I wanted to CRY. I was SO SO SO EMBARRASSED! But then I dusted myself off, picked myself back up and realized this is a BATTLE. I'm just like you, I don't care that I've been at this for a year, it's still a daily struggle to make the right decisions.

    Thanks for sharing this, know you're not alone my friend. xox

  2. Sometime even the best of intentions still don't quite work out the way we intend. I'm glad you didn't turn this around and dwell on it and you are making better decisions starting now!


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